Heavy Heart

     Do you ever just take a moment to sit and think about things? I mean, I’m sure you do, but after a crazy weekend it can be a lot to take in. I sit here tonight and my heart is extremely heavy. This is going to sound very childish and you can make fun of me for it, but not one single person told me Happy Valentine ’s Day. Not my parents, coworkers, friends, or sorority sisters. Not a single person. Okay, there was a really old guy at work you came through the drive thru and told me to have, “A valentine’s day as beautiful as you are.” This kinda left me dumbfounded. I know I’m loved by so many and I didn't really think much of it until about a few hours ago. It’s just one day. I get it. It just rubbed me the wrong way. I was already in a weird mood because it was such a weird week.

     Four days ago, a very goofy, inspiring man traded his Superman cape in for angel wings. I’m still in shock. I wasn't very close to him, but when he was the youth director since as long as you can remember, you just can’t believe this is actually happening. It’s been awhile since I’ve been to church. It’s not that that’s a bad thing, but not living at home and going away to continue my education in a different city complicates things.  I’m trying to make for a positive life in my current city, while not forgetting about my life in my hometown, no matter how much I “don’t like it”. It’s a part of me. His funeral was so beautiful. So many people appreciated this man and I just feel like I was so lucky to be a part of it, even if it was only for a couple of years. I wasn't even super active in my youth group in middle school/ high school. It was so hurtful to see all your childhood church family in tears. I’m a sympathetic crier. If somebody I love/deeply care about is crying, I cry with them. It’s probably one of the weirdest things, but it is what it is. I got to see plenty of people who I haven’t seen in years and that sure did make my heart happy. This day was so stressful from driving back and forth and working and everything else that I was completely warn out. Today, I was at work for the whole day. Thankfully, the Pharmacist on duty was nice enough to buy me Jason’s Deli. It was delicious by the way. Anyways, I was doing my after work scroll through Facebook and everything and noticed my mother was tagged at the nearest hospital emergency room. My heart started to race (it does that a lot). She took my grandmother to the emergency room, again. Okay let me take a second here to brag about my grandmother. She is hands down the strongest woman I know. She’s an amazing artist, cook (like grandmas are supposed to be), and comedian (for real). She’s had multiple body parts replaced (both hips, knees) and is still kicking it. Well, up until the past couple of months. She’s been hit with lots of spells of pneumonia. Or maybe it just keeps coming and going. We don’t know. It’s still just very nerve racking.  So whatever you believe in, do your thing and send good vibes her way.  She needs them.

     Okay so I’m pretty sure you’re probably thinking I’m just posting this for everybody to feel sorry me and everything. That’s not it at all. Why yes, I did just become extremely vulnerable, but I’m not wanting you guys to feel sorry for me. Nobody’s life is perfect. I don’t know what you’re going through, if anything.

I’ve decided I’m going to make a few life changes and some new goals for myself. Here they are:

Enjoy the little moments. They’re everything. Even if it’s just going to get Dr. Peppers with your big when  it’s super icy out. The laughs are worth it. Or maybe just listening to Miley Cyrus as I type this……

      Stop complaining about stupid things. You know exactly what I’m talking about.

      Make people laugh. I can be funny sometimes.

      Do at least one nice thing for a stranger a day. It’ll make for a happy, caring heart.

        Value my education. Hey, I may not go to an Ivy league school, but this town sure makes me happy and this school is home. It’s helped me discover what I really want to do with my life and I’ve created some unforgettable memories at this university. Also, I already value my education, it’s just sometimes I forget that I have all these opportunities or take it for granted.

     Get back into photography/art. It may be frustrating at some points, but it really does make me incredibly happy. Knowing that I have somewhat of a talent in this area (thanks dad) should allow me to push my limits to see what I can do.

     Volunteer more. Okay this is a tricky one. I’m crazy busy and honestly don’t sleep much, but this is probably one of the most self rewarding things. It’s gonna happen.

     Don’t get upset about not so perfect test scores. It’s gonna happen. I’m a perfectionist and overly obsessed with my grades. I know. It’s annoying. I’m a Blackboard stalker, especially after I take an exam. I must always know how well I’m doing. This is my last semester before I apply to medical school. It’s kind of a big deal and it’s icing on the cake.

           Dance more. I’m one lanky girl. I look stupid when I dance, especially in public. I’m going back to dance party study breaks.

.        Love more. I don’t tell my loved ones how much I love them as much as I should. I don’t want to use the term loosely, but if it’s how I feel I’m gonna say it. If I’ve told you I’ve loved you recently, you guys are in for a surprise.

         Have fun. As a pre-med, part-time job holding, sorority girl, I forget it is okay to take a night off and enjoy myself. You’re only young once in your life. I’m not gonna let this time pass me by because I’m too focused on my future. It’s all about balance.

       Do this 100 days of happy challenge. Twelve is also my lucky number. I need to start appreciating the things I do have. Not that I haven’t before, it’s just I’m taking this to a whole new level. The link is 100happydays.com if you’re interested in checking it out.

      This spacing is really weird and I don't understand it. Help.