A New Journey

    Okay it is time to let the cat out of the bag! For the past year or so God has given me different signs saying that I should start looking to find my religious home. Roughly two months ago I was given a sign I couldn't ignore. I've given it a lot of thought, read a few books, and I've found myself making an appointment to meet with a local rabbi. Even with what is going on in Israel and Jews across the globe, I am deciding to take this huge step. I got the thumbs up to officially start studying Reform Judaism. For those of you who know me, I've always been faithful, just not religious. For those of you who are shocked, don't worry, everybody else is too. I am even a little shocked myself. The past two months I've fallen in love with the culture and have found my heart so attached to what I was reading. I'm so excited to see where this journey takes me and Mazel Tov! 

P.S. Be looking out for a new look.

Hey

I honestly don’t know how to start out this post. I’ve had something witty and funny typed out plenty of times, but then I just erase it. I don’t know why, honestly. Honestly is one of my favorite words, well the root of the word is. Here I sit, in front of my computer screen, at 2:14 am drinking a Dr. Pepper (I have a serious problem) and typing up this post. Why? Beats me. I have a busy day tomorrow and I just want to type, just anything that comes to mind. What is sleep? I’ve actually been getting too much of it, so when I have to drag myself out of bed at 9am tomorrow morning, maybe I’ll regret this, but as for now, I’m a happy camper.

I’ve learned so many life lessons this past school year. It was a nice wake up call.  I have one year left. One year. I didn’t believe time flew by so fast until now. My life hasn’t even begun yet. I trapped in a state I don’t want to be in (sorry mom) and I’m just starting to explore what all my degree has to offer me. Starting on Monday, I’ll be a starting an internship program at UT Southwestern in Dallas. I’m so excited. I was actually ugly crying happy tears the second I found out yelling, “ OMG!!! OH my GOSH!!! IS THIS REAL LIFE???” (ya know, typical sorority girl reaction to anything super exciting). So you’re probably thinking, “What does that even mean?” I’m working in a neuroscience lab. I’ll have my own project. Yes, it’s a big deal. No, I don’t know what my project is quite yet. I’m just so excited you guys. Sunday night I’m going to be as excited as a little kid who gets to wake up the next morning to go play in the park with all the cute puppies and kitties.

So why won’t anybody listen to me? Now you’re probably like, “woah what a plot twist”. I’m being serious. If you didn’t like that statement you’re more than welcome to stop reading. Nobody is making you read this and I’ve honestly just learned to let a lot of things go. I feel like I’m full of some pretty great ideas. I miss photography a lot (ur welcome daddy). It’ll always be a part of me. The problem is I either don’t have people to help me out with these ideas or I just simply don’t have the time. If you’re interesting in just seeing some of my work, let me know. I know starting Monday I probably won’t have much of social life but that’s okay. It’s going to be so worth it. I don’t know where I was going with this….ugh. Sorry. 

I’ve decided to take a break from my “intense” pre-med life and enjoy my twenties. I’m only 21. A wise friend of mine has told me that I should slow down and I agree with them. I have my whole life ahead of me. You’re probably wondering what I mean by a break. Believe it. By break I mean I’m going to get my Master’s Degree and probably in Public Health (epidemiology and biostats just sound super interesting). I mean nothing is set in stone or anything, but I think I would really enjoy it. It’s a fresh start, especially for my GPA (not that it’s awful but I’m weird about my grades). Junior year is always a rough year. I’ll get to explore more into this field before I fully decide I want to go medical school. Going to medical school has been a dream of mine for almost 8 years now. I don’t think that’s going to change. I’m a realist, though. I’m not super optimistic and can be extremely pessimistic at times, but my gut feelings are always right. Expect the worst and prepare for the best, right? Sure. My gut is telling me to travel. Go out of the state for graduate school. Yeah it’s probably going to cost an arm and a leg and I’ll probably be in debt forever, but I need to start being a happier person in general. My university has done great things for me, don’t get me wrong. It’s given me such great friends and sisters. I’ve found myself. It’s just time I start a new chapter (well, when I graduate).

This post was really short and thank you for reading this even though I’m sure there are a million typos but #yolo. I’ll hopefully be posting more this summer with all of my super fun aka super nerdy adventures. Happy Summer! 

Heavy Heart

     Do you ever just take a moment to sit and think about things? I mean, I’m sure you do, but after a crazy weekend it can be a lot to take in. I sit here tonight and my heart is extremely heavy. This is going to sound very childish and you can make fun of me for it, but not one single person told me Happy Valentine ’s Day. Not my parents, coworkers, friends, or sorority sisters. Not a single person. Okay, there was a really old guy at work you came through the drive thru and told me to have, “A valentine’s day as beautiful as you are.” This kinda left me dumbfounded. I know I’m loved by so many and I didn't really think much of it until about a few hours ago. It’s just one day. I get it. It just rubbed me the wrong way. I was already in a weird mood because it was such a weird week.

     Four days ago, a very goofy, inspiring man traded his Superman cape in for angel wings. I’m still in shock. I wasn't very close to him, but when he was the youth director since as long as you can remember, you just can’t believe this is actually happening. It’s been awhile since I’ve been to church. It’s not that that’s a bad thing, but not living at home and going away to continue my education in a different city complicates things.  I’m trying to make for a positive life in my current city, while not forgetting about my life in my hometown, no matter how much I “don’t like it”. It’s a part of me. His funeral was so beautiful. So many people appreciated this man and I just feel like I was so lucky to be a part of it, even if it was only for a couple of years. I wasn't even super active in my youth group in middle school/ high school. It was so hurtful to see all your childhood church family in tears. I’m a sympathetic crier. If somebody I love/deeply care about is crying, I cry with them. It’s probably one of the weirdest things, but it is what it is. I got to see plenty of people who I haven’t seen in years and that sure did make my heart happy. This day was so stressful from driving back and forth and working and everything else that I was completely warn out. Today, I was at work for the whole day. Thankfully, the Pharmacist on duty was nice enough to buy me Jason’s Deli. It was delicious by the way. Anyways, I was doing my after work scroll through Facebook and everything and noticed my mother was tagged at the nearest hospital emergency room. My heart started to race (it does that a lot). She took my grandmother to the emergency room, again. Okay let me take a second here to brag about my grandmother. She is hands down the strongest woman I know. She’s an amazing artist, cook (like grandmas are supposed to be), and comedian (for real). She’s had multiple body parts replaced (both hips, knees) and is still kicking it. Well, up until the past couple of months. She’s been hit with lots of spells of pneumonia. Or maybe it just keeps coming and going. We don’t know. It’s still just very nerve racking.  So whatever you believe in, do your thing and send good vibes her way.  She needs them.

     Okay so I’m pretty sure you’re probably thinking I’m just posting this for everybody to feel sorry me and everything. That’s not it at all. Why yes, I did just become extremely vulnerable, but I’m not wanting you guys to feel sorry for me. Nobody’s life is perfect. I don’t know what you’re going through, if anything.

I’ve decided I’m going to make a few life changes and some new goals for myself. Here they are:

Enjoy the little moments. They’re everything. Even if it’s just going to get Dr. Peppers with your big when  it’s super icy out. The laughs are worth it. Or maybe just listening to Miley Cyrus as I type this……

      Stop complaining about stupid things. You know exactly what I’m talking about.

      Make people laugh. I can be funny sometimes.

      Do at least one nice thing for a stranger a day. It’ll make for a happy, caring heart.

        Value my education. Hey, I may not go to an Ivy league school, but this town sure makes me happy and this school is home. It’s helped me discover what I really want to do with my life and I’ve created some unforgettable memories at this university. Also, I already value my education, it’s just sometimes I forget that I have all these opportunities or take it for granted.

     Get back into photography/art. It may be frustrating at some points, but it really does make me incredibly happy. Knowing that I have somewhat of a talent in this area (thanks dad) should allow me to push my limits to see what I can do.

     Volunteer more. Okay this is a tricky one. I’m crazy busy and honestly don’t sleep much, but this is probably one of the most self rewarding things. It’s gonna happen.

     Don’t get upset about not so perfect test scores. It’s gonna happen. I’m a perfectionist and overly obsessed with my grades. I know. It’s annoying. I’m a Blackboard stalker, especially after I take an exam. I must always know how well I’m doing. This is my last semester before I apply to medical school. It’s kind of a big deal and it’s icing on the cake.

           Dance more. I’m one lanky girl. I look stupid when I dance, especially in public. I’m going back to dance party study breaks.

.        Love more. I don’t tell my loved ones how much I love them as much as I should. I don’t want to use the term loosely, but if it’s how I feel I’m gonna say it. If I’ve told you I’ve loved you recently, you guys are in for a surprise.

         Have fun. As a pre-med, part-time job holding, sorority girl, I forget it is okay to take a night off and enjoy myself. You’re only young once in your life. I’m not gonna let this time pass me by because I’m too focused on my future. It’s all about balance.

       Do this 100 days of happy challenge. Twelve is also my lucky number. I need to start appreciating the things I do have. Not that I haven’t before, it’s just I’m taking this to a whole new level. The link is 100happydays.com if you’re interested in checking it out.

      This spacing is really weird and I don't understand it. Help. 

Insomnia

         You get to a point when sleeping about 4 hours a night is normal. There’s just simply too much to think about, read about, and write about. If I step back and look at my life, I think I’m one of the luckiest people on this planet. I have a happily married mother and father and a beautiful younger baby sister (she’s sixteen now but whatever). I get to attend one of the best universities (I may be a bit biased), be a part of an AMAZING sisterhood, and I have a job that helps me learn for my future career. I have the ability to pay my own bills and still spoil the people I love. I am so lucky. I take a lot of it for granted. I just can’t seem to process how I got to this point in my life or what I did to deserve this. I’m a healthy twenty one year old girl. I have all the resources to make my biggest dreams come true. I have the biggest heart that I just happen to wear on my sleeve. I get excited about just anything and everything. I have a 13 hour day tomorrow and all I want to do is write. Why, you ask? Continue reading.

         I’m not nearly as religious as I used to be. It’s not a bad thing, I’m just forming opinions of my own since I’m experiencing a lot of new things. My dear youth pastor from when I was an active member at my church back home has recently been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer (and STILL FIGHTING). I’ve been a very lucky girl. I’ve never really lost anybody who was extremely close to me (besides my great grandmother when I was 4) until recently. I lost one of my friends from high school back in October. I don’t know how to react to death. Yes, I want to be a doctor, it’s going to happen and I get that. It’s just so different when it’s somebody you know and were so close to at one point. Today my old youth pastor had surgery and it really didn’t go well at all. They’re working hard on spending lots of quality time together. I haven’t been this upset in a really long time. Let’s keep in mind I probably haven’t spoken to this youth pastor of mine for at least a year. It doesn’t matter; he’s a part of the church family. I have yet to see a stronger bond than that of my church family. There’s something special about this group of people and I still can’t put my finger on it.  I just can’t express to you how much these people mean to me. Why am I blessed with all these amazing people? Why do I complain so much about having to wake up for an 8 am when this amazing man is fighting cancer? He has a beautiful family that I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting. All I see on my newsfeed is people changing their profile pictures to the “Manzo Prayer Warrior” photo and it honestly just makes my heart smile. Nobody deserves this. This family needs all the good vibes and prayers they can possibly get, so please send them their way.

         I have a roof over my head and I complain about having to walk in the cold to get to class. My goal is to not be so selfish. My goal is to appreciate the little moments and never take anything for granted. I’ll stand my ground. If you’re reading this and smiling, you’re one of the ones who mean a lot to me and I hope you feel the same way. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking in the past couple of days. I’m going to spend a lot more of my free time volunteering and going home as often as my schedule permits. Life is too short to stay mad at people and not spend it with the people you love.

Below I attached the link to the journal his wife has been keeping. Check it out and please please please pray. 

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/chrismanzo/journal/view/id/52e98761e9cb6a001f6278fe

And So it Begins.....

            I had talked about starting a blog about my journey to medical school a few months ago with a few of my close friends and here I am, going to try my best and keep my word (one of my new years resolutions). 

I honestly can’t think of anything that I want more than to go to medical school. Sure, a puppy or a man by my side would be nice, but who needs those things when you have family and friends to support you every step of the way? This blog is in no way to come off as me gloating or to keep my competition up to date with where I stand any competition, it’s just for a little inspiration and well, for me to keep you guys updated. I don’t really like using Facebook as much as I used to (starting to find it a little irritating). This is also a lot easier than just saying “It’s going,” when somebody asks me how the pre-med life is treating me. This is going to be completely informal and my over enthusiastic personality (ha!) will probably show quite a bit. I’ll try to update about every two weeks or so, but no promises. School comes first and this semester is the semester that counts the most.

Now that that’s all done with, let me tell you a little bit about myself. I’m going for a Bachelor of Science Degree in Biology with minors in chemistry and psychology. I’m already classified as a senior (wut) even though it’s only my third year as an undergraduate. I’ve never been much of a writer but I do have an artistic side. I like to spend my free time taking pictures and painting a lil bit. Life is all about trying new things, so I figured this would be a good start. My mouth doesn’t move as fast as my brain does….and neither does my hand. I can’t read my own handwriting. I’m a daughter, sister, friend, and coworker. I’d like to think I’m a good person. I’m overly caring (as most doctors should be). I’m a sorority girl and proud to be one. I’d hope to be a role model one day for people of all ages. One thing that makes me smile the most is when people ask me about my future. I have no idea what’s going to happen, but for some reason all it makes me do is smile. By no means am I in anyway perfect, but everybody has their star shining moments. You can always tell when someone is so passionate about something. I learned this in one of my classes (can’t remember which one…oops), but their focus changes, they suddenly have reflexes as fast as a cat, and they won’t shut up about whatever their supposed interest is. That’s me usually about anything science related (except physics). I love talking to people about medical school or even just science classes. I’m weird and I’m fully aware. College is all about meeting people, right? Whenever I tell people I just meet that I’m a pre-med student, they usually just give me a sound of disgust and then proceed to ask me a series of questions. I’ve been observant over the years and they’re usually the same. Ready to hear my responses to them? Ok.

“If you wanna be a doctor that means you must be really smart, right?”

Actually, I don’t think I’m super intelligent or the smartest person on the planet. I just work really hard. I study a lot and maybe I’m so weird because of that. I like knowing the details. I also have a really good memory. I pointed out a guy I went to elementary school with in one of my classes. This is the first year I’m going to try to keep a planner. I’ve been able to remember due dates and when I work and things of that sort without having to write it down. I’m just getting to the point in my life where I have way too much going on. This semester I plan on being a full time student (upperlevels only, yay), studying for my MCAT (it’s like the SAT for medical school), working a part time job, being an active member in my sorority, and somehow having time to sleep more than four hours a night.

“Wow, you sure have a lot of school left, don’t you?”

Why yes, I do. I’m going to have lots of debt and serious dark bags under my eyes, I’m aware. I think it’s completely worth it.

“What type of doctor do you want to be?”

If we are being honest, I don’t have any idea. When I meet random people that I’m probably not going to see again, I just give them a random specialty. I have so many years to decide and I won’t have to make a decision until my 3^rd year in medical school.

“You must have a high GPA, right?”

Most pre-med student who are modest don’t share with too many people if at all (maybe competition to scare them a little bit ;) ). Again, I work hard and hard work pays off. Grades aren't everything. They’re a big factor. Would you want a doctor who got a 4.0 in their undergrad who wasn't involved, or would you rather have a doctor with a 3.5, who is active on campus and has great people skills? Exactly.

“What made you want to go into medicine?”

Every student has their own story. I’ve loved math and science as long as I can remember. It was all about trial and error for me. My high school/school district had a charter school that offered specialty courses. I actually took an engineering class my freshman year; learned that wasn’t for me within a couple of weeks. My sophomore year of high school I took awhile to look at my options. I finally decided to take a health science class, I mean what was the harm in that anyways? I fell in love. It was very basic and I met some awesome people along the way. My senior year I took a Pharmacy Technician certification class (which is how I got the job I have now); still completely in love. I entered college my freshman year as a biology major and I’m still here. I couldn’t imagine myself doing anything else.

Wow, that was a lot to read and I’m pretty impressed if you’ve read all of that. I’m super excited to see what this semester brings and to see what I’m able to accomplish.

As Meredith Grey would say, “If there's just one piece of advice I can give you, it's this--when there's something you really want, fight for it, don't give up no matter how hopeless it seems. And when you've lost hope, ask yourself in 10 years from now, you're gonna wish you gave it just one more shot because the best things in life, they don't come free."